


Can we go back to the beginning?

by unowenowl



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, Canon Era, Gwen is the main one, Multi, The others are just mentions of characters, This is a vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 01:58:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3191252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unowenowl/pseuds/unowenowl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some times, which were more often than she would admit, she would wake up in the middle of the night.<br/>Her hands on her lap would be too still and the gap in her heart too big. The bed she would sit on, too cold. And everybody she's ever loved too...dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can we go back to the beginning?

**Author's Note:**

> My first actually written work for this fandom is a vignette with Gwen. Well, she deserves it. She's an amazing character.
> 
> This wasn't an idea that came to me and I would have to think of how to write it (like it happens with everything else I want to write for this fandom). The words simply came to me; I knew I had to write this.
> 
> Un-beta'd so sorry for any mistakes of any kind.

Some times, which were more often than she would admit, she would wake up in the middle of the night.  
Her hands on her lap would be too still and the gap in her heart too big. The bed she would sit on, too cold. And everybody she's ever loved too...dead.

Morgana.  
Sometimes, she would wake up and whisper 'Lady Morgana'. She would look around, terrified for her mistress, almost hearing her scream again because of those nightmares.  
Minutes would pass until memories would come back to her. Until she'd remember there has been no 'Lady', for a very long time, and now there was no 'Morgana' anymore. She was no servant anymore, not to the beautiful and kind girl. She'd wonder what had gone wrong and what she could have done to save her much loved friend. Her mind would be empty.

Arthur.  
She would smile effortlessly as she would remember him. Golden and calming (despite the fact he was quite hot-blooded and impulsive at times). She missed him terribly but with time, remembering him became less of a pain and more of a joy. He was still soothing, the King with a big smile and with a heart she would forever love.

Lancelot.  
He was not from her childhood but he would feel that way. Lancelot belonged to a time where she was young and with fewer burdens on her shoulder. To times when she hadn’t felt lonely at all. She would remember how bright they used to be, she'd remember their promises. Silence would be damning, as she would know that they would still be kept, somehow. Despite everything.

Gwaine.  
She would laugh. He was no longer there but she would still laugh with him. He would flood her mind with ridiculous jokes and flirtatious banter she would always refuse. He would pretend to be wounded and they would both know it didn’t mean anything. How grateful she felt that her friend had crossed paths with her.

Merlin.  
She would stop breathing.  
And she would cry.

She would cry more for an alive person than for four dead ones. Maybe because she focused on the fond memories of them, which didn't cut her heart open. Maybe because she wasn’t burdened by guilt, like she suspected that Merlin did. He had protected everyone from great dangers for so long, she assumed he thought it was his job to protect them from death.  
During the day, they would both pretend everything is fine. He would laugh and smile and she would wonder when he had become such a good actor. Maybe it was because she paid more attention to him now, or because she presumed he must feel that way, but she could see straight through his act.  
This is why, sometimes, she would visit him at night, especially when she woke up in the middle of it. She knew that some people may see and comment, question her loyalty to her beloved King. She didn't care. Not really. Merlin wouldn’t be sleeping. Every time he was asked, he would answer that he couldn’t. She tried not to pity him; he would hate it. Instead, she came near him on the bed and talked in low voices to him. Or, sometimes, they would not talk at all. She would hug her legs, making her feel younger and she would look at him, despite not being able to read anything. She would consider that she probably should go but she couldn’t leave; she couldn’t leave her friend, her best friend, her _only_ friend to face his demons alone. He had done it for too long(and now he would need help more than ever).  
So they would both stay in the darkness, mourning the loss of the man they both loved, truly and completely.  
And when he would finally close his eyes, she would fall asleep next to him.  
And they would both be young again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is ridiculously sappy and I don't know why I wanted to write it. Maybe because people usually forget what a wonderful friendship these two have. And if they write something, it's mostly from Merlin's point of view, not Gwen's.


End file.
